Maybe I still don't understand

Maybe I still don't understand it.

Last day of April

Time really flies. Last day of April already. My emotional not so good for the whole month of April. Not did well in anything. Somemore not really good luck for the whole month. Quite careless. Lost something a day before the last day of April. Last day of April ended up with tired and tears. Hope tomorrow will be better.

So careless

Something is missing. Now I only realise it. Oh no.....

Why?

Why so cruel? Until now, I still don't know what is the answer.

Promise

A promise to myself. Won't drop a tears today.

Thank you

Thank you very much for giving me so many chances. Thank you for accompany me today.
Thank you to sky help me do it.

Be Independent

Dont be so dependent anymore. Today is just a start.

幸福和快乐

幸福是旅途，而非终站。快乐并不是目的地，而是旅程中的每一步。

5 Days break

Start from tomorrow to sunday holiday. Anyway, exam is coming soon.

New thought

Realise something.

Class?

Today is it a class? I don't think it is a class. 1st class had test and mark the test then finish class. Had 2 and a half hours break. Very boring. Luckily sim yee accompany me. We had lunch together too. Thank you very much for accompany me. Then, we saw pei ling at cafeteria. After that, I chat with pei ling for a while. Then, went to chemistry lab to do experiment. The experiment is simple so we quite fast finish do it. Then teacher let us go back. so good. I went to eat something. After that, I went to library to use computer. nice to chat with mokky and my elder brother.haha...

Boring

Now have 2 and a half hours break. Just now had test. Lazy to use computer but still use it now cus do homework until want to fall asleep already.haha..

A place

Today I found out a place which can let me become happy again. Thank you very much for accompany me today.

Can't sleep

Now is already midnight. But I still can't sleep. Haiz...still wondering how only can sleep.

26th of April

This week almost everyday woke up at the same time,7.55am. Sometimes woke up at 6 something. Today woke up on 7.55am. After took bath, then watch tv. The show quite interesting. My parents fetch my brother to school. But I didn't go. Anyway, thank you very much to my brother. After ate breakfast, then my family and I went to Klang. Quite boring at there. After went back home, took a nap. When woke up, felt not so well then ate bread. After that, played piano,did homework and watched tv.

Really scard

Just now really scard me.

Sleepy

why so sleepy?

25th of April

The feeling came back again. Today helped mum did a lot of chores. Today seems like I am not myself cus normally I won't do so many things. Maybe I scard.......

喜欢和爱

当你站在喜欢的人的面前，你会感到开心。
当你站在你爱的人的面前，你的心跳会加速。
当你与喜欢的人四目交投，你会微笑。
当你与爱的人四目交投，你会害羞。
当你与喜欢的人对话，你会畅所欲言。
当你与爱的人对话，你有时候会觉得难以启齿。
当你喜欢的人哭，你会技巧性的安慰他。
当你爱的人哭，你甚至会陪他一起哭。
当你不想再喜欢一个人，你会想掩住双耳。
当你不想再爱一个人，你会关上眼睛并忍住泪水。

..........

当最不如意的时候，要大声跟自己说加油！

24th of April

24th of April let me think back my secondary school life. 24th of every month is a special day to me and my 3 best friends last year. But now....(Haiz...I also don't know how to say)
I remembered 24th of every month we would exchange presents. I still keep them nicely. I quite regret that I didn't write diary for the past few years. If not, I sure can remember all the moments with u all and everything. Now say all these things is already too late. Anyway, I will remember the happy moments with u all for the rest of my life. Thank you very much to 3 of u.

Have a feeling

When see this title, some people may think I have a feeling to someone,right? But too bad.
I have a feeling that I wont live for a long time. Is it a hint? I hope it is not. But....If 1 day it really happen, I hope everyone will not be sad especially you. Maybe it is hard to accept the facts but time can help u to accept it. I hope everyone still can live happily no matter what happen. Anyway, I will not give up my life.

1 week

1 week past so fast. Is already friday. To me, friday is the last day of the week cus saturday and sunday no class. This week don't know what happened to me. Quite moody and depressed. Hope tomorrow I will be better. Anyway, very sorry for not answering your call for so many times because my class ended late and I switched off my handphone. Thank you very much for find me and accompany me. No appetite to eat lunch but I was rushing when eating lunch. Not really know what the food's taste. But I like the peach tea. Quite nice. After finished eating almost 2.30pm. Luckily I was not late. The assignment quite difficult but some people finished it less than half an hour. After I finished it, went to library to use computer. But I also don't know what am I doing. Just see then back.

thursday

The weather is too hot recently. Lazy to write blog. Thank you very luch for accompany me and comfort me. Something happened that make me scard.

Is you

Is you who make me still alive
Is you who always by my side no matter what
Is you who always care me
Is you who help me whenever I need for help
Is you who always know what I am thinking
Is you who bring me lot of happiness
Is you who always comfort me when I feel sad or cry
Is you who always give me chances
Is you who always accompany me when I alone
Is you who make me think that life still got hope
Is you who treat me well
Is you who let me don't hate myself
Is you who want me to find back confidence
But is me who always make u angry or sad
I am so sorry

22th of April

Today, I went to college late. Very sorry for not replying your message and not answering your call for so many times. Anyway, thank you very much for chatting with me and comfort me. Very sorry that I can't control my feelings again. Hope didn't make u feel afraid.

Applics class still ok but I know I am thinking something. Can I stop thinking? After that, physics class. Today didn't do experiment but the lecturer wanted us to do exercise.

After class, I had lunch with my classmates at cafeteria. Actually someone asked me whether want to go sunway pyramid but I lazy.(haha...) Then, we went to career fair. Nothing much to see. We just walk in and walk out. Can say we just went in to get the small bag.

After that, I went to library for a while. Then, I went to find u. Thank you very much for accompany me and chat with me. Chemistry class still ok.

Two days no online. My brother said I was so strange cus I seldom stay at study room. But since last week exam, I always at study room already. Anyway, I don't think so but I will be less online.

Can't control

Can't control my feelings anymore. Am I sick? After finished all the classes, I went to have my lunch. I ate chicken porridge. Anyway, I still prefer fish porridge. Thank you very much for accompany me today.

Sleepy Monday

Sleepy. Eye pain. Thank you very much for chatting with me. After that, I went to library to borrow book. Finally I can borrow that book. Hope I can manage to finish reading it in two weeks time. Applics class still ok. Physics class I was so sleepy but still know what the lecturer teaching. Then, chemistry class. Before chemistry class, one of my classmates gave me some chipsmore. Thank you very much.I believe that eating chocolate can make me happy. I am a chocolate lover too. Thank you very much to u for accompany me and gave me the last chance.

Feeling

Today I thought I can be happy again. But something happened that make me regret, sad and.....
All is my fault. I shouldn't say dont want and care too much. I should appreciate the chance.
Now I really weak and felt like going to sick soon. Collapse.

Sleepy saturday

Today she called me woke up. Guess what time is it? (6 something=.=)
I was so sleepy. I also have a nice sleep yesterday.
But it had been destroyed. (Haiz...)
I didn't woke up, she said I lazy. (No class no working want me so early wake up for what)
No choice, have to wake up so early.
I waited for them for about 20 minutes. Somemore she said I so slow. (swt!)
We went to park. She and I jogging. (I was sleeping.zzz.....)
Around 8.30am went back home. watch tv. Then, I had my breakfast.
After I had my breakfast, I can't control my feelings. After a while, I do chores. Then, online.
After I had my lunch, I online again. Boring. Then, I played piano. Suddenly I can't control my feelings again. After that, I took nap. (Feel better but still sleepy)
Tea time. (Drank red bean soup, ate bread)
After that, watch tv again. The middle part of the show made me can't control my feelings again.
After had dinner, I online. Quite boring.

Scard

Why I so scard? I also dont know why. I think I think too much already. Maybe I still need some time to be not scard.

Friday

Today, my dad very early went out so need to wait my mum to fetch me to go college. During that time, I was studying.(hardworking? I don't think so. today study cus got physics test. Scary) Anyway, I was so sleepy cus yesterday night didn't have a nice sleep.

Then, I went to college. Very sorry for not answering your call. Nice to chat with u. Thank you for accompany me. Very sorry that I can't control my feelings again. Thank you very much for comforting me. Anyway, I really very scard. I know I have to respect ur decision. One of the questions that u asked is always on my mind.

Then, I went to account class. In the class, I got a few times almost can't control my feelings again. Luckily I still can control myself but I not really concentrate. Sometimes I a bit lost.

English class still ok. After the class, I went to library to put my bags. Then, I walked around ground floor. Then, I went to library entrance. I waited for mokky but I didn't see her so I walked around 3rd floor. When I went back to library entrance, I saw her sitting at the bench. First, we went to cafeteria. But nothing good to eat. So, we went out of the college. When we were outside of the college, we can't decide whether go orange or rock cafe.( haha.... Please dont ask me.I sure say don't know) At the end, we went to rock cafe. Then, another time I can't decide what to eat. Mokky suggested me to eat loh shu mee. I waited for quite a long time and the person put the mee in a plastic bag cus she thought I not going to eat now. swt! Somemore she can't find me. Finally I can eat already. But I was so hungry. Then, I suggested to share food with mokky. We also can't decide what to eat because too many choices. At last, we chose to eat porridge. Very nice. We chat while we ate porridge. This was the first time I ate 2 things for 1 meal. I also got drink barley.

After we finished eating the porridge, we went back to library. I was studying while mokky was doing her homework.Thank you,mokky. After that, I went for physics test. The physics test quite hard until I not really know how to do it. (Haiz..can't imagine what marks I will get)

When I went to library to take my bag, suddenly mokky appeared. I was quite surprised cus I thought she went back home already. Then, we chat for a while and I went back first. Now I am very sleepy.

15th and 16th of April

Yesterday like usual.I want to apologise that I didn't answer your call because I really didn't realise it. I think at that time I was walking up the stairs. Besides that, very sorry that I told u the wrong classroom. Sorry if got make u angry. Had moral exam yesterday. At first, moral just need to memorise all the definition. But since I studied moral at college, I only found out that we still need to study all the religious, utilitarianism, ethical egoism and deontology.It was quite complicated. Until I finished my moral exam, I still not really know or understand. Anyway, moral exam quite hard. Yesterday midnight I quite sad. Just forget about it. Now I am ok already.

Today, I went to college in the afternoon. Then, I went to class. Thank you for accompany me and chat with me.

Physics class still ok. It ended earlier which was around 1.45pm. Then, I went to library to study. Study until I almost fall asleep. After that, I went to find u but u went to library. Then, we went to rock cafe had lunch. Mokky joined us too. Nice to chat with u 2. Anyway, I was quite sleepy. (slept late and didnt took nap for a few days) So sorry. Then, we went to library. Thank you very much for accompny me today. After that, I had account test. The test still ok.

Tomorrow physics topic test. Although I am very sleepy but have to study it too. I am quite scard of it cus I not good in physics. But I will do my best. Wish all my friends, who take physics, good luck and all the best in tomorrow physics topic test.

原来

今天我才知道原来表姐那么关心我和支持我。原来不问不代表不关心。你觉得我是有思想，独立，有原则的人。可是我觉得我不是。或许以前我是有思想，独立，有原则的人。不过，还是很谢谢你的关心。原来你想要当广播员，可是因为当年服从父母而造成遗憾。你后悔当初没有说出自己的想法。你希望我不要像你一样，可是我觉得我应该也会像你一样。原本有思想的我，现在已找不到方向。只好服从。

Today

Today sleepy but happy day. Maybe this is why happiness came without searching. Now i understand the concept already. Thank you very much for teman me today. Account class still ok but quite boring. English class still ok. Chemistry class also still ok.

Confuse

Today something happened that make me confuse. Today I went to college earlier than usual so I put my bag in the library. Then, I went to find u. Nice to chat with u. After that, I went back to library to use the computer. When I wanted to go to class, I saw my bag is opened and a guy was taking my things. He said my things drop. Is it true? I don't think so cus he seems like quite scard and nervous. Anyway, I didn't lost my things.

Help

Someone thought I study at Help. Can't help doesn't mean didn't help. Is wanted to help but don't know how to help. Actually when the person know u want to help, he/she already feel happy and maybe feel touched. Not everyone can help in everything. Different people can help in different kinds of things. It depends on their talents. So, don't think u can't help is useless or a failure. Everyone is successful person.

珍惜

放弃寻找它。因为寻找它，让我忽略了观察和感受周围的事情。因此，我也造成了某些事情的发生。是我的错。我不应该寻找它，而忽略了观察和感受周围的事情。我应该珍惜我所拥有的，不刻意寻找它。我也发现生命的短暂，今天不知明天事。所以要珍惜每一天。尽量让自己快乐。

学会不要想太多

我学会了不要想太多。凡事想得开。

Stress

Stress. Exam stress. Although it is stress, just don't give myself too much stress. I will try my best.

Don't want to talk

Very sorry that I say something wrong. Today don't know why don't feel like want to talk.

Just don't think too much

Just don't think too much. sleeping and cycling help a lot.

Last Day of Career Exploration Week

Today is the last day of career exploration week. Is good or bad? Next week going to have class again. Haiz...Going to miss these few days cus quite relax, no class and no need to study.

Today morning I woke up like normal. Then, I had breakfast with u. Very sorry that 2 days I also came later than u. Thank you very much for accompany me.

Today is training session. The 1st session is Jumpstart Your Career Exploring Possibilities. It was just a talk. Very boring. Luckily it ended earlier.

Next session is From One World To Another. The presenter very good. He is Richard. He very good in giving talk. The whole session I was so concentrate and didn't fall asleep. I think this is the best talk I had heard.

The last session is I Am Me. It is to determine personality.still ok.

After that, I had lunch. Thank you for accompany me and help me take the drink.

Same and different

Same place same person did the same thing but different time.

Company visit

I went to frontier aviation for company visit. Very tired. Today I woke up 6.10am. Then same like yesterday fetch my brother and sister went to school first then only fetch me go college.Very sorry that I late reach college. Today the traffic jam more serious. Luckily I managed to reach at college before 7.30am. Then, had breakfast with u and mokky. After mokky went back to class, then u teman me. Thank you very much for teman me and bought me the sweets.

Then, I went to frontier aviation. First, we went to subang airport. We went to see different kinds of planes. Someone was explaining about the planes. We also took some pictures. Then we went to the control centre. We saw them control the landing and depart of the aeroplanes. After that, we waited the bus for quite a long time to take us to another destination.

Then, we went to another place with I don't know it's name. We went there also just see helicopter and heard the explanation. At that time, I was hungry.

After that, we went to aviation service. When we walked up the stairs, I almost want to faint already. No more energy to walk. I was very hungry. Luckily got sweets to eat. Someone explained about aviation. Very boring. After that, they brought us to their canteen. Some people just bought a drink. Then, they brought us to see the planes.

2pm finally can go back to college. Most of us felt very tired and hungry. Then, I went to find u.I went to orange to have my lunch. Thank you very much for teman me. After went back home, I ate lunch again cus my mum had prepared my lunch.swt!I just ate cus don't want to waste food. I took a long time to finish it cus I was very full. Today lunch I ate 2 plates of rice.(1st time) Going to be fat.

After I finished my lunch, I just walk around. Then, I played piano. After that, I did a very dangerous thing. Quite nice.

At night, I watched tv. Then, had dinner. Ate rice again. I really scard of rice already.

Career Exploration Week

Today woke up at 6.10am(i guess). Very sleepy. Then, I left my house at 6.45am cus my mum need to fetch my brother and sister to go to school 1st. Around 7am only I went to college. I reached there around 7.15am. After that, I saw mokky at foyer and we chat. Then, u came. Then, I teman mokky went to her class. Her class quite cold. After that, she teman me back to foyer. We chat. Then, she went back to her class. Left me and u. The weird things very funny. After that, Pei Ling saw me and asked me about debate. (My debate very bad so I don't think I can help much=.= )

Career exploration week started. First forum quite boring. Almost want to fall asleep already. Gastric again. After that, I went to financial counter. Then, I went to have breakfast with u. Thank you very much for teman me. Very sorry that I can't control myself until I cried. No need to worry. I am ok.

The next forum very boring. Somemore I was so sleepy. Really hope can sleep at there. After that, I went to cafeteria to buy drink. Then,I went to foyer to do my personal journal. After finished it, then I went to eat something. Today I ate quite a lot of things but not rice or noodles. Haha..so can consider as not heavy meals.

After that, I rushed for moral class.I thought I was late cus it was already 4.35pm. Anyway, the lecturer not yet came. After around 10 minutes, only he came. Today moral class ends earlier, 5.15pm. The lecturer only told us the important things that we need to study and he sang a song.

Today quite relax. No class. No study. Have break.

Less talking

Less talking today. What u say is correct. I should give up finding it. Bad luck.

Mad

Mad. Is me. Not anyone. Today I really quite mad. Kept on laughing on the morning. Long time didn't laugh until like this. Although yesterday I very late sleep but I seems like quite energetic in the morning.But in the afternoon I became sleepy already. Applics test quite hard. I sure get low marks. After the test, then went to a place.After reach home then have piano class. Really tiring and sleepy.After finished my piano class, then I had my dinner. Finally I got time to rest. Then, online-one of my hobby. Gastric. Before I went back home, mokky gave me a cupcake. Thank you very much for ur cupcake. It is nice but the ants disturb it. Too bad.

Very sorry for not telling

Very sorry for not telling when everytime I not ok or sad. Sometimes only I will tell. Anyway, no need to worry me. Everytime I will be ok, just like now. ( Haha..who called I am Ying Han)

Changing

My life going to change. Change the style of writing blog too. (Not a good style of writing all the post cus quite detailed and boring)Forget all the sad things. Although I am weak, but I will try to face all the things and do my best. Accept pressure and exam. Just hope won't collapse anymore. Hope I won't be another person. If not, will make people feel scard or weird.(right?) Ns friends went back to their camp today. Very sorry, I didn't have much time to chat with u all. (less online)Anyway, what I heard from u all is quite fun and nice. A bit scary also. Wish u all have a nice time and enjoy at there. See u all next time when u all come back. ( I think is 9th of June)Tomorrow applics test. Wish all my classmates good luck and all the best in the test.^-^

4th of April

Today morning, I woke up at 8.15am. Then, I went back to sleep until 9.10am. After that, had my breakfast then help mum do chores. Then, I online.

After I had my lunch, I did my homework. Then, I went to ioi. Thank you very much for teman me. Very sorry that I shouldn't go cus u so sleepy. Very sorry that I seldom talk today. After that, I went back home.

I ate popiah. Then, I played piano. After that, I went jogging with my family. During the 3rd round of jogging, suddenly gastric until very pain. Luckily after that I ok already but my left leg pain. Anyway, it was quite nice but tiring. Let me forget all the sad things.

At night, had dinner at home. Then, I study for exam. Anyway, I study until want to sleep. Somemore had flu and sorethroat.

Going to sick

Now flu and sorethroat come back again. Haiz..quite suffering.

After sleeping

After sleeping, I felt better already.

Don't want to think

Don't want to be like last time anymore.

Friday

Today, I woke up at 6.20am. Very early. This let me recall last time when I was study in secondary school, I always have to woke up at that time cus my house is quite far from my school. Quite miss that time. I quite enjoy my secondary school life.

After that, I went back to sleep again until 8.50am. After that, I quickly took bath. Then, I ate porridge and went to college. Today quite traffic jam. I reached college around 10am. Then, I went to find the thing that I lost yesterday. I find for many times. Haiz...still can't find it. Until now, I still don't know when and where I lost it. After that, I went to accounts class. Before the test, the lecturer got taught some questions. Then, we had test for half an hour. The test still ok. Luckily I managed to finish it. Then, I went to find u. Thank you for chatting with me. After that, I went back to class. English class still ok. After the class finished, I went to find u.Thank you very much for teman me.

More and more exam

Can't imagine how I going to study for next next week exam. If I not mistaken, I got 3 exams on that week. 3 days straight.

sorethroat

Haiz..still have sorethroat. anyway, no flu no cough no fever are ok already.

Flu

Haiz..Can't sleep well yesterday. Now ok already.

Gastric

Haiz..why last two days like this?

Sleepy wednesday and thursday

Yesterday, I was very sleepy cus tuesday night I slept late. Whole day I was blur blur. Maths class still ok. Anyway, next monday maths exam. I am going to fail cus not familiar with this chapter. Then, physics class.we went to lab to do experiment. The experiment was quite easy and we took half an hour to finish the experiment. After that, the lecturer let us finish class. So good. I think he is the best lecturer.I went to find u and we chat for a while. Then, I had lunch with mokky. After that, I went to library. After that, u teman me. Thank you very much for teman me.Chemistry class still ok but I quite sleepy. Moral class I more sleepy. Luckily can reach home before 7pm.

Today, I went to college in the morning then went to library. Haiz...physics class cancelled. Luckily I got bring my accounts textbook to read. Somemore the library still got air-cond. After that, we went to rock cafe. Very sorry that I didn't talk much today. After that, I went back to library to study. Then, u find me when u had break. Thank you very much for finding me and chatting with me. After that, we went to orange to have lunch. After finished lunch, we went back to college and went to library.I read the account textbook until want to sleep. Thank you very much for teman me today.

Very scard

Due to my negligence, I lost something.Two years ago I also had this kinds of experience and the ending is not what I want. I don't want it happened again. Really very very scard.

Negligence

Why I so negligent? Very hope I can find it soon. Hope I won't be negligent anymore. Next time I must be very careful.